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Stop hating your art and yourself

Journal Entry: Mon Sep 14, 2015, 3:55 PM


So this is something that I've been bottling up for a while and I want to address it. Now, before you harp on me, I am guilty of this from time to time as well. However I want to open up the floor to this conversation.

I try to stay kind and gentle in my conversations with people. However for this, forgive my blunt tone. I am giving people advice based on what worked for me and other professionals I've talked to. This advice is for ANYONE, but mostly visual mediums like drawing, paints, etc. Though if you stretch your mind a bit, it could apply to any medium.

Also I KNOW not everyone wants to be a pro. This is about being a pro. It's about bettering your art. I have people always asking me about getting better and improving, and this is my advice to you all.




A. Your art does NOT suck.


For the love of the planet, PLEASE stop saying this. Your art may not be at the same level as someone else, maybe your family member, your friends, classmates or idols, but that does NOT mean it sucks. Maybe it isn't the style you want? That does NOT make ti suck either.


B. Why can't I get better?


First, do you even lift practice? I know it seems dumb and a lot of people are busy with life. So am I. I have a full time freelance job and I was in college full time for 6 years (12-15 credits every single semester) and I find time to practice. There are TONS of times during the day you have to practice.

1. Get a sketchbook or at least a binder to keep loose leaf paper in. I don't give a damn if you hate them. Deal with it. You want to be able to practice at any time anywhere? GET A BOOK. They have tiny books that are as small or smaller than an index card! If you don't know what that is, it's a handy-dandy piece of paper that is 3.5x5 inches. Yeah, they make books that tiny.

2. But you don't have time? I call BS. You have time once you get up, maybe 5 min, doodle a dream or just a stick figure, something. Are you in school? During lunch or before class, maybe in between classes. Got a study hall, maybe see if the teacher/monitor is ok with it. You at home and want a break from homework? Instead of checking your phone and wasting time, get out and doodle something. Waiting on dinner or watching TV? You got time to draw. You playing games? You got time to draw. You get in bed? Take another 5 min and do a quick doodle. Maybe you and how you feel your day went. Maybe something funny that happened or your feeling about tomorrow.

3. I can't think of what to draw. OMFG do you have eyes?! Draw what you SEE, literally. One of the best ways to get better is to do what is called "Direct Observational Drawing". That means you draw literally what you see. You on the bus? Draw a classmate or the rows of seats. That's great for perspective! In the lunchroom? Draw your food or a drink, that's a still life. At home? Draw some of your favorite things, maybe pause a movie or TV and do a quick drawing of the screen. Maybe a pet! I don't give a damn if they are moving, it's good practice. XD Yes it might be BORING, but gives you practice on seeing things.

EVERYONE can see, even those who are blind, they simply see in a different way than we do. Artists are special in that we all see different than the average person. Learning to draw is NOT about learning how to draw. Your hand can already make any motion, stroke, line you need it to. Learning to see will make a huge difference in your art. What do I mean? The difference is this (PLEASE an example, neither are good or bad)

Symbols vs reality


This is what most people think of when they think of a tree, or similar. But does it REALLY look like a tree? Compare all of these photos against each other and the symbol! Trees all vary greatly and how is your drawing showing the true character and shape and texture of that tree?

Clipart Tree by Ahkward   'That Tree' by kharashov tree by mandragolaa  The Tree by TwiggyTeeluck
The Tree by Konijntje  tree by mR-StIck

So again, see how each of them are different? By drawing from REAL life, you get to practice in seeing how each and every object is unique and different in it's own right. Every pet, human, phone, houseplant, plate, bowl, fruit, etc is all different. Observational drawing is the best way to train yourself to see them. After time practicing this, you'll find it easier to see what your mind sees?

Ever wonder why you struggle in seeing the ideas in your own head? It's because you don't understand how to see, period. Drawing what your eyes see can help train you to draw what your mind sees. :D



4. YOU DON'T HAVE TO POST IT! Damn the times I've heard "but I won't like it and I can't post it". Who gives a crap if you don't post it? You aren't making your art to make others happy. I don't post most of what I do. XD It's OK if it doesn't come out the way you want it to! That's why it is called practice. I have some sketchbooks I'll NEVER show people because it's a personal practice book. lol It's full of drawings I don't like but I practice anyway.


C.  I can't get a book / I only do digital art!


Congrats on shooting your own foot. If you plan on keeping art as a hobby, I advise you get a book for practice or at least keep a binder filled with the drawings you do on loose paper. That's ok too, as long as you keep drawing ON PAPER in some way. This advice isn't as important to you hobbyists, unless you want to keep growing as an artist. Why is it important? Drawing digitally keeps you afraid if mistakes. What is the number one reason people like digital art? I love my undo button and I can fix mistakes.

This is the one thing that drives me insane when I hear it.

 For the record, I love my digital media too. I use it often, HOWEVER, I still do a LOT of traditional drawing. I draw in ink, a medium that scares a LOT of people. Why? "You can't fix ink".

The results are in and the lie detector said that is a lie.

Ink is fixable! Amazing, right? There is white ink, process white, ink eradicators, white out even works! (those pens I mean) If you know the medium well enough you can fix it! It's all about practice. Pencil? Fixable. Watercolor? Fixable. Acryllic? Mega-fixable. Oils? Fixable. Yeah it might not have an undo button and you'll have to work a little harder to fix things but that's OK. Giving you traditional skills gets you over the "perfect syndrome" and helps with anxiety over making mistakes.

Don't have money for supplies?  They don't have to be the best! A simply #2 pencil and copy paper is ok! Just draw in a traditional medium to help keep your hand loose and body relaxed about drawing. It'll help you mentally and give you confidence.

Now, on the professional side? I know a LOT of people with AMAZING digital work and shotty traditional work. It makes me so sad. Why? A lot of professionals and employers want to see BOTH traditional and digital skills. You don't need to be equally good, however you need to be able to be in a business meeting and work. You might not have a tablet, ipad, or anything digital. If you are there and can't perform... well that might be a bad thing. XD Not saying it 100% will be, but you need those skills.

Now on the flip side, anyone who is Traditional only, you need to have digital skills too. If it's Sai (only 40-50$) and others like Krita, Gimpa, FireAlpaca are free. You DON'T have to have a fancy-schmancy art program.


E. So here is what I'm trying to say.


Anyone can draw, literally anyone and everyone. Everyone and anyone can see, some see differently than others. Everyone wants to get good FAST and you can't do that without effort. Yes, there are always going to be those people who improve fast. They are in their own category and they are NOT better than you. They are simply in a place where they learn faster or it comes easier to them.

Remember that getting good at something requires effort. There is no magic, no secret, no potion or tool to make you a better artist. It's time and effort. Effort is the only thing you can do to increase your skill faster, you can't mess with time.

What about school/college for art? Up to you. If you want the guidance, go for it. I helped me a ton and I credit my skills to my education. It's not for everyone, so that's your choice to make, not mine. Start small with local classes at an art center or community/trade college. Those are cheaper and might give you a push you want or need. If it doesn't seem enough, go for more classes.




PLEASE stop saying your art sucks.
PLEASE stop comparing yourself.
PLEASE stop making excuses for not practicing if you want to improve.

Now on the flip side, I know there are people with parents who are not supportive. It can be hard when your family makes huge efforts to stop you doing art. I honestly don't know what to advise you except to keep a book in a locker or have a friend keep it for you. Maybe talk to an art teacher for school counselor. There are a lot of people who DO care about you and want to help, but you have to be the one to go outside of your shell and ask.

I don't care if you have anxiety. I know there is a clinical anxiety, but I know some people who use it as an excuse to do nothing. If it's a clinical thing, talk to your psych/counselor about it. You too have options, you just have to make an EFFORT to figure out what will work for you.

Anyway, I'll open the floor to you guys.

  • Watching: NFL (Lions vs Jaguars)
  • Eating: BLT
  • Drinking: water
Add a Comment:
 
:icond4wgy:
d4wgy Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
ok but.. I want to have a semblance of a community but I can't help but not think my art is "post worthy" thus, I easily become inactive..
I get how some people need to learn that art is not purely made to be shared but what if you need to post SOMETHING and you hate all your work?? With that mentality I'm extremely inefficient at making myself noticed..
Reply
:iconahkward:
Ahkward Featured By Owner 6 days ago  Professional Traditional Artist
Honestly, the best advice is post anyway. If you deem it unworthy post a "sketchdump". I see a lot of artists to this to remain active during "down times". I do it too! Lol whether you hate your work or not, remaining active is important as you pointed out. 
Reply
:icond4wgy:
d4wgy Featured By Owner 6 days ago  Hobbyist Digital Artist
that's actually a p good idea! thanks :D
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:iconahkward:
Ahkward Featured By Owner 3 days ago  Professional Traditional Artist
Yeah you can see how I do mine: ahkward.deviantart.com/gallery…

I have a WHOLE FOLDER dedicated to this type of post and I know many artists that do them. ouo I find them really really fun and I even follow groups that are nothing BUT sketchdumps! They really are super fun and a good insight into process and learning from eachother. :la:
Reply
:iconmolgera42:
Molgera42 Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2018
I kinda needed this. I've been in a small art community/group for a while, and the person running it always promotes the best/favorite artist. For the past few months, he stopped promoting me, and this caused me to hate my art and lose motivation. But I just realized that I need to stop being such a baby, suck it up, and practice. There's always gonna be people better at art than me, and the only thing I can do about it is work harder. Thanks for this!
Reply
:iconthe-emmeranne:
The-Emmeranne Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2018  Hobbyist
Thanks, I've decided to upgrade my style and I've been struggling for weeks to the point I end up hating EVERYTHING, I can visualize the ideas I get properly but the problem was putting it on the paper, some parts looks bad and after reading I realized one of the reasons was lack of practice :slow: :slow: ditching a style to another more detailed after doing it for a while isn't really easy too, I guess I need to be patient as well 
Reply
:iconravenonatombstone:
RavenOnaTombstone Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2018
Thank you for this. It honestly helped me get out of a funck. I also appreciate the blunt honesty.
Reply
:iconrina55:
Rina55 Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
a quote that helps me a LOT is
"flowers are pretty, but so are Christmas lights"
These two things are VERY different, but they're both pretty.
Reply
:iconahkward:
Ahkward Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2018  Professional Traditional Artist
THIS is awesome! I really like that quote! :la:
Reply
:iconrina55:
Rina55 Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
awe thank you! I really like it too, it helps me be less self conscious because there's something for everyone!
Reply
:icongrapeberries:
GrapeBerries Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2018  Student Traditional Artist
Even my art is good? I mean, Im proud of some of my art, but not all of it. I've improved a lot since I started, but I don't consider it amazing. Maybe you could give me a couple pointers?
Reply
:iconchooniemoonie2002:
ChoonieMoonie2002 Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
All I can say is that, even with my effort, I'm an antisocial, and so, there is no comment. Yet I don't care, since I practically can be that rude...
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:iconahkward:
Ahkward Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2018  Professional Traditional Artist
Honestly it is up to you to decide to change your mindset. People can be rude all they want, doesn't bother me none. I just feel bad for those people.
Reply
:icontoastybrain:
ToastyBrain Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I rag on myself a lot, especially when it comes to art. But often, the less I think of my art, the more I find ways to improve? My style shifted a lot too, so that may or may not help. I draw every chance I get though, despite my Motor Dyspraxia being a bother about it sometimes. 
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:iconahkward:
Ahkward Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2018  Professional Traditional Artist
A lot of times walking away can be helpful short term! Breaks are handy, but giving up shouldnt be an option.
Reply
:icontoastybrain:
ToastyBrain Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Well now when I get frustrated I just color some lineart or a sketch from a friend.

A good flow for style helps me. And music, music is a good drive for art block imo.
Reply
:iconshelklyn:
Shelklyn Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2018  New Deviant Student General Artist
Do you even lift?
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:iconahkward:
Ahkward Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2018  Professional Traditional Artist
I lift my pen all the time. :icontrollfaceplz:
Reply
:iconmike-the-dabbler:
Mike-the-dabbler Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2018
Lift with the knees!
Reply
:iconwolfie-sparks:
Wolfie-Sparks Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2018  Student General Artist
um, no. just no.
Reply
:iconnightmarelilly:
nightmarelilly Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2018  Student Writer
I have to be honest. This helped me a lot. A personality trait of mine is that I'm a perfectionist...in the bad way, so I have a lot of insecurities about my art. Especially traditional. As I don't color my traditional art whatsoever.

Do you have any tips for using ms paint? I can't actually download any of those good art programs like Sai. So I'm kind of stuck.
Reply
:iconmylmu:
mylmu Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2018  New Deviant
There's programs that not only are way better than MS Paint, are also completely free and maybe even better than Sai (up to preference). Some examples are FireAlpaca, Medibang (made by the same company, it's a better version of FireAlpaca, also free), Krita, Gimp, etc. I bet there's more but these are the ones that I tried (except for Gimp) and they're really good.
Reply
:iconnightmarelilly:
nightmarelilly Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2018  Student Writer
I've tried Gimp. And I've attempted to get Krita. I, in my personal opnion dislike gimp. So I suppose I'll try out medibang, my former idol uses it.. 
Reply
:iconmylmu:
mylmu Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2018  New Deviant
I don't like either Krita or Gimp, but many people use it and say it's good so I added them. Medibang is extremely if we take into account that the Pro version completely free.
Reply
:icontsumefan2:
tsumefan2 Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2018  Hobbyist Writer
ok i barely get any comments on my writing?? and i hate that
got any advice for that?
Reply
:iconlurhstaap:
Lurhstaap Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2018  Professional General Artist
To be honest, I've been posting art and writing online since I was in my early teens (I'm now 33), and I have to say that it seems to me that getting comments in general used to be a lot easier and more common. Ironically, as the number of people in general and artists specifically online gets larger, the more of us are competing for attention, the fewer of us actually get said attention. More and more of the comments go to the best-known names. This is especially true of written work, whose skill and quality cannot be evaluated at a glance, but frankly, even truly excellent artwork done by people with no name is often passed over without much or any comment. I'm not just talking about myself - this is the number one complaint that pretty much every artist or writer has other than the ones covered in the essay above. So I guess what I'm trying to tell you is that it's not you. There are a LOT of people competing for attention and it's very easy for one's work to get lost in the mix, even if it's very good, without a name that catches people's eye. Unfortunately, the only thing you can do about that is to keep creating, keep working, keep uploading. Self-promotion absolutely helps - putting your work in groups and stuff, for example. The more eyeballs that have a chance to see your work, the more likely you are to get feedback. But it's not a direct relationship. You can't spend all day putting your work into groups and advertising, then expect that to immediately translate into getting more comments immediately. Sometimes it will! But a lot of the time it won't. The gains are incremental and long-term. Just keep doing what you're doing and do your best to get your work out there. If you have the chops, skill-wise, AND you do sufficient self-promotion, you will eventually develop some kind of reputation and name brand value. Maybe you'll never be the sort of person whose work gets a hundred comments just because you uploaded it, but frankly, that sort of attention can be more trouble than it's worth anyway.
Reply
:icontsumefan2:
tsumefan2 Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2018  Hobbyist Writer
i think i will try to do that
Reply
:iconahkward:
Ahkward Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2018  Professional Traditional Artist
There are lots of groups for writing here on dA, most have a sort of feedback for feedback system. I would look into active groups that do such things as well as become active in the dA forums in the feedback and critique threads. You might have to go a bit out of your way until you gain a loyal following, but the grind is worth it!
Reply
:icontsumefan2:
tsumefan2 Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2018  Hobbyist Writer
oh ok
Reply
:iconahkward:
Ahkward Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2018  Professional Traditional Artist
I know the ideal is to not have to do that,but in order to be seen in such a large community, you have to almost throw yourself in front of people to get noticed. It will take time and patience. Simply posting and expecting to get seen is unrealistic. So be active, be optimistic and talk to your own community! The more active you are in commenting on works of others, talking in chatrooms, forum threads, etc etc, you will get noticed more.
Reply
:iconrainpiefromslimber:
RainPieFromSlimber Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2018  New Deviant Hobbyist Digital Artist
You and me both, I just hate it when my friends draw something really good and say "I know it sucks let me just go now :')" When it really doesn't. Even if you think you can't draw, you can, it's just in your own way and you have to learn to accept that, not everyone draws the same :)
Reply
:iconlt-rexcole:
Lt-RexCole Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2018
._.
Reply
:iconcharmedstudio:
charmedstudio Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2018
FANTASTIC!!!!!! Wow, you nailed it here. Thanks for posting it.
Have you ever seen this  2 minute video written by Ira Glass and made by Damien Sax called THE GAP on vimeo? 
I think you will love it and it totally backs up your points about the need to work to get better to leap the skills gap.
vimeo.com/frohlocke/thegap
Reply
:iconlunastar7:
LunaStar7 Featured By Owner Edited Feb 16, 2018
 Is a person able to get better at drawing when they haven't drawn for a long time? I used to draw all the time but then I stopped drawing because I couldn't figure out what to draw and I have a lot of drawing books so it was weird that I quit drawing for so long when I had drawing books to help me, I'm drawing again but I keep having trouble drawing the face shape, the other eye, shoulders, arms, hands, legs and feet. I prefer drawing on paper to digital art because I don't have a tablet or a good paint program, I have drawn digital before but I just have crappy MS paint and my drawings I did were awful but for that fan art of Fluttershy from MLP I did years ago which I thought was actually pretty good but I still prefer to draw on paper so I been drawing in my sketchbook but I feel like I will never improve if I can never get better at the stuff I'm bad at drawing, I do love drawing but because I'm so bad at drawing those it's making me want to stop drawing again. I have been looking at how to draw things videos on YouTube but every  time I try to draw them I fail at it, I also been drawing things I see but it doesn't doesn't help me.  I like to draw in the manga/anime style. 


 
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:iconahkward:
Ahkward Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2018  Professional Traditional Artist
Most definitely! I feel that sometimes a large break is needed. I had a period shortly after graduation from college I barely drew for months! When I came back to it, by style had completely evolved and the things I went through, personally, during that time off was very beneficial to me on a mental level. My skill might not have improved as far as anatomy goes but the style changed for the better.

Drawing is NOT like riding a bike. Drawing is like exercising for your brain and creativity. If you do not draw for a bit, your art will not be the same when you return. I am sure there are other things you have improved on, and style has likely changed a bit, but you probably just need to get back on board and be consistent.

The best advice I can give, and this is gonna sound really dumb but hear me out. If you can, get some tracing paper and trace over photos or other drawings you like. Do not post these. This is an exercise to help build muscle memory. When I was in college, i did a private study with one of my professors. We were studying anatomy and comics, so what did he have me do for the two months of the study? Tracing photos or humans and artwork of people that I liked. I could not understand why. He had me do this everyday for two months. It drove me insane because i felt like I was learning nothing.

However one day he asked me to sit down and instead of showing him my tracings and going over anatomy review. He told me to replicate one of my own drawings with better anatomy. I did, but I had learned the shapes of faces at various angles. I knew proportions better because as I traced I paid attention. I learned a lot consciously and unconsciously by tracing over and over and over multiple images every single day.

In fact I still do this from time to time. I do it as a warm up exercise and when I am in a slump or art block. It helps. Another big thing, is to draw in a variety of styles. I too prefer the anime style, but I do realistic and cartoony studies as well to keep a balanced brain. While "anime anatomy" is different than actual anatomy (quite a few differences), understanding the true reality of humans will be incredibly helpful.

So when you study and if you decide to do the tracings, do photos of REAL people not just anime people. If you want, expand it to animals, plants, buildings. Use it as a learning tool to build back the muscle memory or lean new things. Hope that helps
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:iconpurpleguyandpinkie:
purpleguyandpinkie Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2018  Student Artist
wow,, but then I still hate my art,, I'm trying so hard to improve but it still looks like shit lol, even most of my art is in 3d I still hate it lIke one time I actually I want to commit suicide because I thought that my art was so bad and I couldnt do anything about it,,
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:iconahkward:
Ahkward Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2018  Professional Traditional Artist
I think a lot of people have been down to that point. However you are not your art. Art is just a way you talk to others and communicate. I personally cannot do 3D art. I suck at it so badly, so you are using what I consider a hard medium to work in. XD not everybody can do what you do, so do not worry! Practice take time and effort. You can give as much effort as you want but nobody can rush time, so be patient with yourself, especially if you are younger.
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:iconpurpleguyandpinkie:
purpleguyandpinkie Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2018  Student Artist
wow, thanks : )
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:iconcocoa333:
cocoa333 Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2018   General Artist
Ah sorry if you get this question a lot, but what about taking breaks? Sometimes when you got huge work or maybe a big art block? Of course i'm not saying to quit or anything but do you think breaks are important? Sorry if you went over this and I missed it or something.
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:iconahkward:
Ahkward Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2018  Professional Traditional Artist
Well of course! Sometimes a break is very much needed. I have had times where I needed a break to clear my mind, rest, get good sleep for a while. If you feel a break is needed take it, just be careful. It can easily turn into procrastination when it comes to going BACK to work.
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:iconcocoa333:
cocoa333 Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2018   General Artist
Oohh ok cool,, thanks for replying :>
Reply
:iconjam-uzu:
Jam-uzu Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm replying pretty late. I get the opposite of what everyone else gets, that de-motivates them. I get compliments for my shitty art. But I know those are lies. I can see through lies and I can tell them apart from the truth. That usually depressed me a lot, cuz I never got an actual compliment. But I have one friend (she's tsundere and says we're not friends XD) who never sugarcoats anything she says (to me that is). When all I could draw was stickmen (I was very proud of it), she said it straight out, and even in front of the whole class "What is that sh*t?!" But now that I have improved (a lot from drawing stickmen), I hear jealousy in her voice when she says "It's still sh*t" and laughs.
I'm not just telling my story, I'm telling you to find someone like her to 'compliment' your art. Trust me, these kind of people make you feel much better than those fake compliments.

person reading please check this out HUMAN+ICON+PAGEDOLL COMMISSIONS [OPEN]
Reply
:iconahkward:
Ahkward Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2018  Professional Traditional Artist
I guess part of the issue here is when to take a compliment and when to be suspicious of one. It honestly is a better practice to take all compliments at face value. It will save you so much trouble and mental stress. Whether people say it as a lie or to mean it seriously, they still had the forethought to say it, so I would just take them at face value.

Idk what Tsundere means, but a google search sort of helped. I went through art college and while people calling my art shit doesn't bother me that much, I would not want to be around a person who does it in front of a whole class like that. To me, that is uncalled for behavior and if I knew she was jealous, well that is her problem, not mine. If she wants to get better, then tell her to work on her own stuff and deal with it. I had teachers call my art crap and shit to my face and well, that is their opinion. XD If they want to tell me it is bad, that's ok! I welcome crits, but try to be, um, more constructive? Like tell me what is wrong with it so I can do better next time, you know?
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:iconjam-uzu:
Jam-uzu Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Tsundere is a person who acts like they hate you but they don't, and they love you more than anyone else does, and that was like in second grade so I didn't really mind. I actually got used to her saying my art is sh!t that I now like her saying that, cuz you know, she's telling the truth. But when she DOES compliment me, I get even happier cuz that's an actual compliment, and I got it from someone who always said the opposite of that for 8 years.... I don't even know what I'm saying right now XD
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:iconahkward:
Ahkward Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2018  Professional Traditional Artist
Idk, I have never known anybody that long. XD If people act like they hate me, i push them away..... i guess everyone is different.

I guess i worry because you say that it is true when she calls your art shit and maybe subconsciously it affects you?
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:iconjam-uzu:
Jam-uzu Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I knew her since I was a kid, and since she's a tsundere you can never push her away XD and well, when someone compliments you you're really happy, right? That your hard work and effort paid off? So when someone "compliments" you, you know they're lying and get all depressed and stuff, right? But when someone tells the truth, that it's sh*t, you wanna work harder just to make them say it's pretty good, right? Well even if you say no, that's how it is for me XD
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:iconsprtfrk:
SprtFrk Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Like it's that easy.
Every time I try to make something I get mad, angry and sad because I'm just not ok with my own art.
I can't even practice because I get demotivated because I just hate myself and everything I try.
A simple "Just don't hate yourself" won't do shit.
It's like telling a disabled person to just stand up and walk.
I feel like any artists that actually thrive either have a huge ego and are in love with themselves or just have a bunch of people backing them up and sucking their art off.
Art and creativity is the only thing on the planet that makes me happy.
And I wanted to actually kill myself for a lot of time.
But there are too many people that care about me so I can't do shit to myself.
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:iconahkward:
Ahkward Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2018  Professional Traditional Artist
I can tell you I do not have a large ego, I do not love myself, I do not have a large amount of people backing me up and my watcher count while decent is incredibly inactive.

I never said it was easy for one. I have fought myself just like you for the last idk 7 to 8 years. I was kicked out of my house for even considering an animation degree. I was luckily accepted back in, but fought with my family the entirety of my degree. I was poor and struggled to mentally find the stamina. I graduated and decided to get a second degree and was kicked out again. They called me stupid and naive. I moved to Florida and struggled through three more years knowing I had not enough support online from followers to support myself. Art jobs are hard to find. How am I going to support myself? I graduated thankfully by having a handful of professors who made sure I was ok and helped me through 3 years of hell while I became 80,000USD in debt further adding to anxiety.

I have PTSD from all the shit I went through as a kid and had 7 years of counseling throughout high school and college and tried to kill myself twice. Once in 2012 and once is 2015. Luckily I failed and my friends and college found out about the second time. I was in college and almost forced to withdraw due to my mental state. In fact I still hate myself sometimes. It is not easy, but it is simply a perspective people hate yet to find. It is a way to view the world that have no seen yet.

If it was easy, nobody would be depressed. Nobody would have anxiety. Nobody would try to kill themselves. I have gotten where I am not because I am better than anyone else, but because I simply do not give a shit when people tell me no.

I know what makes me happy. I know what gives me comfort and happiness. I want it THAT badly and to me it is worth fighting for. Despite family telling me it is worthless and kicking me out repeatedly while I try to now stablize my life after college. In the three years since, I have no art based job, I make 26$ a month on patreon and I have lost my housing situation 5 times. In three years that is all I have accomplished.

So do not stand up here and tell me I can only day this because I am up high on a mountain looking down at you. I have been in your spot for YEARS and I simply offer advice to make it seem a little less sucky to be down here. I am not perfect. Nobody is. If it makes you happy, do it! Tell all those negative people around you to fuck off and do what makes you happy. It will be a battle, but it gets easier over time. You simply have to choose to fight for it because it not easy.
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:iconsprtfrk:
SprtFrk Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for taking your time to reply to an angry person on the internet that can't keep his damn mouth shut.
I'm sorry about the part where I said many artists are up their own arses, normative and supported with that being the only reason they were able to make it.
Your most definitely not one of those people.
I just guessed you were one of them because in my eyes this kind of advice would only work for people that I described.
Like an inspirational quote seeming to say something positive but often times having flawed logic.
I really appreciate you trying to help people up.
And to hear your story is very very appreciated from me.
But it just really just makes me even less motivated to even try to carry on.
Because it seems like life still sucks for you but "wow you can draw pictures".
It just all seems so pointless.
Like it doesn't really matter what you do you will end up unhappy.
I don't actually believe my destain for my own art will magically vanish once I become "good".
Because "good" is always a step above my own skills.
Because I don't like myself and need people to back me up.
It's just all so pointless.
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September 14, 2015
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